About a month ago I wrote a post for the first time in almost a year. I intended to start back up and use the blog as a channel of discussing my path to a physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally healthier me. Over the course of the past month, I’ve written several posts of a personal nature only to end up deleting them, not feeling ready to bear my shortcomings and wounds along with my triumphs. I turned to private journaling which has been a much needed escape for me right now (and something I will most likely continue for the rest of my life, I highly recommend it). I do however, feel as if I’m now finally ready to become more public with everything I’ve been going through. How my life has been interrupted.
My wife and I are getting a divorce. We have been married for three and a half years but have been dating since our junior year of high school. 10 years. I loved her with my whole heart. Complete and total head over heels, Cupid’s arrow, love bug, looking at her through rose colored glasses, and every other possible cliche kind of love. I loved her to a fault (we’ll revisit this). So, you can imagine how broken and devastated I was in early February to find out she wanted a separation. I mean broken. I fell quick, I fell hard, and I feel deep into a mess of mistakes. I won’t get into details right now, still too soon, but both of us made a lot of mistakes early on in the separation. These mistakes led to us moving from separation into divorce proceedings which is where we currently sit.
Now…I’m okay. I’m not good. But I am okay. Like I said, I have made more mistakes and have been to more dark places within the last two months than in the entirety of my life preceding this situation. So, I’m not just needing to heal from the situation and the pain but also from my own shortcomings. The good news though is that I AM HEALING. Like I said, I’m not good, I’m okay. But a month ago, “okay” was not even in sight. It’s progress and progress is so very important to me right now. I’m finally at the point where I’m not looking in the mirror saying, “Be as good as you were before all this happened. Just stop this and be happy.” That simply isn’t possible right now. Instead, I’m looking in the mirror and saying, “Be a better person, a happier and healthier person, more so today than you were yesterday.” That has been so key to my progress. That and pretty much the most incredible group of supportive people for which someone in this situation could ask. (Seriously, you all know who you are, if you’re reading this. I love each and every one of you so dearly.)
So, I’m going to start blogging as much as my time allows. I’m going to delve into some personal aspects of my life. This blog will be about how I am becoming physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally healthier each day (and even more about hopefully helping others do the same). Some days will be better than others, many highs and many lows. But all that really matters is that I’m making progress. That I am no longer living a life interrupted.